A brand new Skin!

For those beautiful hearts that took the time to read and respond (although response is not necessary, it is appreciated!) to my prior buzz Shedding Skins, I thought it time to offer you an update; a ‘progress report’, if you will. 

As life must have meaning, it seems I have spent an outragious amount of time seeking my purpose, that most elusive of qualities. One of many bad habits......

Before, when I’ve squeezed every bitter drop from life’s lemons (although technically they’re sour, not bitter….) and found the offering scant and meaningless, I tended to hold my breath. It’s way more expedient and definitely more immediate. Can’t say the same for lemons!  I’d even go so far to say I naturally hold a certain reluctance to breathe; a default position of quiet but petulant protest.

I have spent at least half my life not breathing, and I’m still here.
Lisa Vanderburg

Not having a purpose is exhausting. Regardless of the perception of others, one's own concept of raison d'être is the difference between life and death. Yes, sounds very melodramatic, but let me explain: that word (for me anyhoo) has kept me encased in a dark and leaky tomb. It was a ruse, a deliberate show-stopper that blocked out all light. It kept me transfixed and unable to move on. 

I know that now.

“What a weary time those years were -- to have the desire and the need to live but not the ---ability.”
Charles Bukowski

But then, someone happened along at just the right time…

And, armed only with his bared heart, he broke me out; this is Dr. Ed Lewellen; quite a few of you will know him!

‘You are Purpose-less’ - that dreadful self-fulfilling accusation that kept me bound in failure was to be flicked out of my head with all the ceremony of a dispatched head louse. Reluctant though I was, he wasn’t having any of it. My essence of certitude; that it really doesn’t matter what anyone says because ‘I don’t believe you’ doesn’t cut it, apparently.

This was one of many revelations I’ve had during and following my sessions with Ed. I never wanted to see a ‘shrink’ as a couple of siblings had later in life and it didn’t help. Apologies to those in the field of Psychiatry - it’s not you, it’s us.

Ed has an entirely unique set of very powerful skills are truly forged in his humanity, not his accreditations...although those too are significant. His humility alone should not belong to just one man!  At first I couldn’t even understand what he was even asking of me, his Q&A was ‘too simple’ for me to get - there's great beauty in that, no?

I was thrown that he didn’t want any ‘details’ about my past, yet he waited for me with such patience and gentleness, to simply understand his language. I was frustrated, so I did what I do best; held my breath.

But ultimately, curiosity at his sheer staying power won out. I always thought he was a business counsellor - an understatement that’s downright rude in hindsight. :)

In my belief, he is a true empath...with a twist: He has learned the art of control over this awesome gift that makes most of us run or hide. What is so very significant is the tools that he uses to arm this weapon of his; agape love, joy, compassion and a very deep desire to heal.

I’ve a long way to go on my journey. Yet I know this: Ed freed me to finally move and, as for breathing?

We all get caught on the tide of life. We may just be snagged on flotsam, or find ourselves in a riptide. Sometimes we're are

This is for you, dear Dr. Ed Lewellen.  https://youtu.be/gjbNbApxMCo

You've drawn me from the tempestuous waters into a safe haven. Your patience has given me rest; your sheer joy has ignited a deep desire to fully live that I'd long forgotten. I am deeply grateful and will eagerly tend to those precious seeds you have given me to sow!