But, how to get rid of the body.....?
Oddly, I often wonder (with more than a bit of awe), how the bad guys in films get away with murder so often. It really, truly is HARD to get rid of a body!
because we've been up to here
with the practical side of 'getting one's affairs in order' in the post above, I wanna talk about what I left out: body disposal.
I have no lasting attachment to my body, thank God 'cause, damn...it's knackered. Once dead, I'm outta here - the important bit anyhoo.
But. Having done all the paperwork for the pair of us (heinously tiresome), getting rid of the bodies is a bit more of a faff. The trouble is choice. I yearn for a good swim-with-the-fishes idea, but ships are expensive to rent. Years back I looked at Promessa. They dunk you in liquid nitrogen to freeze-dry, then sorta crack you up (with a mallet, not jokes) and voilà - clean fertalizer! There's a few innovative ways like becoming a forensic offering so they can hone their bug-analysis, but there's no room on this wee island. Some curious and bizarre ideas here, including another one I'd looked at, Resomation - a sort of boil-in-the-bag way of reducing the body. Both Promessa and Resomation are hellaciously expensive; not as expensive as shooting your body closer to a celestial being or making it into a mock-diamond, but the upside is (as Randall Burns would know, being a Chef), a body only becomes a carcinogenic hazard because of cremation, not what the body expired from. If smoking killed you, cremation makes you...ah... worse?
Burial is, in my personal opinion, a waste of space. There is no way in hell that we're gonna pay £6-8k per pop(ped) to lie in perpetuity in perfectly good real estate. So we tried the 'donate my body to science' bit - nope, they don't want either of us: apparently the UK brain banks are overflowing in gelatinous substances with no current PD projects in the offing. Huh...that's depressing!
I did want to tat my big toe to say 'place tag here' but what happens if I lose it before I pop my clogs??
Neither of us want all the pomp and lining-of-funeral-directors-pockets either, so we've decided on Direct Crem (David Bowie's the most recent fan). No service, no cars, nothing but a middle-of-the-night slot at the local crematorium and ashes returned to family. I tried to book it in advance but they wanted to collect us now. Got through to the 'hot-line' apparently.
Say goodbye to your dead, bring them out, and have a damn fine wake - that's a lot more fun!!
Must do this now, or I'll blink-out like a burnt l ...
After the ouchie of my recent buzz Love and Loss, ...
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