Love and JOY!
After the ouchie of my recent buzz Love and Loss, I wanted to follow it with the upside.
Action -> reaction-> blessing!
First though, let me thank those who cared and dared to comment; you are brave and noble! And I hope you will forgive me for your hurt at the time of reading.
That’s the trouble with secrets; the burden of knowledge cannot be undone. Pass a secret on at your peril for you must bear the price of it.
me
Now for the blessings - cue the music!
Our kids! My darlin’ husband was so sane it took him years to work out I wasn’t. But the greatest blessing was that we saw eye-to-eye about child-rearing. I wasn’t a perfect parent...like, who is?
So here’s my thoughts about nurturing - love to hear yours (I am crazy, after all :) )
1. Boundaries. To established safety and security for them, not you!
2. Unconditional love.
3. Allow them privacy within those boundaries; even babies need time alone, to chirp and sing and discover! Once the outside world hits...get to that another time.
4. Faith. They NEED to know there is a higher power than themselves AND their parents. It’s healthy and from this grows only good things like compassion, empathy and intuition!
5. Play! Playing with your kids is not only one of God’s greatest gifts to us, but it will teach them generosity and joy. Have ‘adventures’...we did all the time!
6. Accountability for their actions. Yup, the naughty-child bit. To me, ‘judgement’ must be fair and swift, but never gratuitous. Usually an offence was dealt with by an ‘enforced’ act of kindness to a neighbor (once old enough), like mowing their lawn. We found this helpful to teach respect and patience.
We had an absolute blast with these two boys for the 25 years they lived with us. Still do, but now with the double-blessing of wonderful, loving, grounded wives and grandkids, and I revel in being ‘crazy weird’! Just ripped that off from Joel Anderson's joyful buzz, being appointed "crazy weird" is the best title ever!
There are so many many blessings, but I will stop at the next and last one:
Forgiveness.
It took me over 40 years and many failed attempts, but I forgave my father (and mother). True to form as he lay dying many years later, his last words to me were ‘oh, SHUT UP, woman!’
I might’ve mentioned that before……
Nope....not his.
He was actually old Roman Catholic. I asked him in the last years when he’d go when he died (this was after his ‘I should be Pope’ business). He said, ‘I don’t want to go to heaven and play the harp with all those stupid people.’
Fun!
This is dedicated to those who dared: Bill King, John Rylance, John Rylance, Jerry Fletcher, Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, Debasish Majumder, Jerry Fletcher, Ian Weinberg, Cyndi wilkins (the Dude) and Harvey Lloyd. Thanks y'all!
AND Debasish Majumder!! So sorry amigo!"
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Comments
Fay Vietmeier
3 years ago #33
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #32
Wonderful summation, Roberto...I cannot decide which is the greatest blessing; guiding them or being them! There's something entirely freeing about sitting on the grass with super-imagined life going on all around you. What a boon! I guess most all kids reach that age where they are deaf, dumb & blind - but only to their parents. That's when we have to intrigue them with something new, as well as remind them we're 'old salts' at this game. Thanks so much for your comment!
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #31
Amen, Preston!
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #30
Many thanks Preston \ud83d\udc1d Vander Ven! That song is so....happy!! Yes, those moments of deep, abiding joy are what we all need to keep locked in our hearts. Life, despite all its turmoil, can beso very sweet, thank God! Be blessed and may life be gentle with you and yours
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #29
Well I am forever happy to receive another comment from you John Rylance! Your tale of parenting rings true - I remember when our boys were about 12 or 13, they decided to hold a 'conference' but a one-on-one to each parent, to tell us that they liked girls....just wanted us to know. It was a 'serious' affair :)
John Rylance
5 years ago #28
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #27
Thanks, lovely Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador. Being one hundred and seventy-seven years of age has taught me it's about time to do the math myself, and learn to get over it. That said, it'll require a tome....could be tomb? :)
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #26
Cyndi wilkins
5 years ago #25
Funny how the trolololo man looks kinda like Mike Brady;-) RIP!
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #24
You'll never know Harvey Lloyd how much your steadfast friendship and guidance has helped me, even though this may not have been even though of. Typically, this balancing act is happening just after I've submitted my Advanced Directives...I'd better explain that another time :) Thanks Prof!
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #23
Thanks Jerry Fletcher....weird with a chance of frayed then? :)
Harvey Lloyd
5 years ago #22
Jerry Fletcher
5 years ago #21
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #20
...only if they had to service them, which means it's probably still hot as...er...hades Cyndi wilkins! Nah, I think those peeps will be listening in perpetuity https://youtu.be/oavMtUWDBTM at decibels unheard of so thaey can't converse :) Godd - got you laughing, girlfriend!!
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #19
Amen to that Bill King! 'Course, I never thought to give shape to my 'how-to's', which I've only just thought of for this buzz. Must be a guy thing :) I absolutely agree with your beautiful statement: 'Unconditional love without accountability can become enabling and accountability without love can become cruelty.' Most grateful for your take, Bill!
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #18
cont: That tome - you should write it Joel! GOOD male parents that sit with their offspring and explain the ways of the world, of love, of honesty, or truth - are essential to human survival. Sounds dramatic I know, but I tended to be the discipinarian and talker more than my husband (no disrespect to him as he was more 'boys will be boys' & chuckle). So mu poor sons had a crazy mother with the reins :) What helped me was the conviction that my kids will be brought up in love and safety and knowlegde. We have our one and three-quarter-year old grandson every week for the day. Wow....I cannot get over how fast they advance when you're not with them 24/7. He's just got to the stage where he's attempting refusal of my calm but firm 'no's' - gives me the weevil-eye in the hope of out-smarting me. So I stand there looking blandly at him; he saunters off in a huff for about 3 seconds. I am MASTER of my universe :) It's all a question of how you say it and size.... :)
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #17
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #16
I cannot thank you enough Joel Anderson for your thorough and generous comment - everybody has their ways, but funny how there's no hives like Parenting, Nurturing, children etc here on beBee, because business may be essential, society and interaction vital, but family love is the reason for all! I do understand the sticky-wicket of 'unconditional love' as parents...you explain it better!! But even when punishment has to be metered out, it's clear you do it with love. Not easy to feel your own kid's pain; time-out or depravation or yard work (anyone listening, no steel-studded belts like my dad!), it is done with the very clear and necessary intention of making them better people! Love is ever-flowing...you showed me that.
Cyndi wilkins
5 years ago #15
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #14
You know me....I ALWAYS for get something. Thanks so my my friend!
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #13
hahaha....maybe faith was my only salvation, Dude! Either way, that Brit Atheist Richard Dawkins who's face I could cheerly slap all day (not because of his atheism, but because of his smugness) had all these London buses with banners that read 'There is no god so stop worrying and enjoy your life!' The government made him put the word 'probably' between is & no...lol! I might be splitting hairs with agnostics by hey....we'll never know (unless we're all wrong & get bleedin' re-incar-damn-nated!)
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #12
So right Pascal - I know that you're a great father because of exactly what you said; parents that do not understand fair and consistant discipline of their kids effectivly switch roles: they become the children. They do this mindlessly (IMHO) because they think it free their charges; it doesn't, it enslaves them in fear. Well said, my man!
Joel Anderson
5 years ago #11
Joel Anderson
5 years ago #10
Ken Boddie
5 years ago #9
Pascal Derrien
5 years ago #8
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #7
haha...well, if you see my dad..... Thank you, dear Debasish Majumder, for your humility and faithfulness!
Debasish Majumder
5 years ago #6
Ali Anani
5 years ago #5
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #4
haha....you may need some filler for the gaps in mine :) I'll check it out; such a star you are & the double bonus is to make you happy!!
Ali Anani
5 years ago #3
My friend Lisa Vanderburg- your buzz reflected on my buzz on Fibonacci-Based Organizations. I have just added a comment there with reference to your super buzz. SO, I don't mind if we could exchange our brains right now.
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #2
You are so very adorable Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee and I can see the impact of your wonderful Grandmother that you should remember this so clearly! Thank you my friend, for your faith and enduring kindness you have shown me. Can I have your brains when you've finished with them....pleeeze???? :)
Ali Anani
5 years ago #1