Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago · 1 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Spit and Sawdust

Spit and Sawdust

The tragedy of life is not
death ..but what
we let die inside

Okay, it's the day after the 200th anniversary of my husband's disease namer: James Parkinson. The grammar sucks on that precious sentence...screw it. I am spent

Every time I wake up the next day this time of year, I'm disappointed - nobody's cured. I worked so hard!! Silly, ain't I. Honestly? Can't even say that I want to live forever (who in their right mind would??)....has nothing to do with that; has to do with suffering.  But then I read Pascal Derrien's when writing is futile. He's so right in that bitter-sweet sorrowful / contained-excitement - bound-to-kill-me-here-we-go! way. For we are mere mortals, eh?

But the song he played (along with lyrics) was so....hit my soul with both balm and accusation. Such a fickle lot are we.

Can't say I've ever seen what I've seen here; people changing-their-minds or exploring-both-sides within themselves so openly. Quite refreshing! I have a 'polar-opposite' and I think that's probably true for most of us. We may dip aways, but that's expected.

But I remember a life (surely not mine still) when I was utterly exhausted. Didn't think I could take another breath - I was 17. Many, many kids like that. But what about my husband - our kids? They have to pull away from this slow crash that is happening to their father....18 years into Parkinson's. It's amazing just how MUCH I want them to pull away, yet want them to gather close. But they have lives - wives - kids. Our parental duties (fun as they were) are done and I think they deserve a chance before the inevitable sorrows strike. In between the layer of pure love and total fear lies a layer of imaginings we cannot quite remember, but know to be true.

Our lives turn over like tectonic plates, we are washed away - not for us; for them. We'll recycle eventually. We may not be remarked upon, but we will be a small part of this tree.

'Jesus Christ....Do you believe you're missing out, like something good is happening somewhere else? ...Well Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die - I'm scared of what comes after.'

"the devil and god are raging inside me"this
Pascal - I love your torment because I get it - in part)."
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Lyon Brave

4 years ago #12

The tragedy of life is not death but what we let die inside us, while we live. That quote is so powerful and sadly true.

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #11

What a treasure you are Ali Anani - I am deeply touched, dear man!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #10

thanks you debasish majumder for your beautiful contributions!

Ali Anani

5 years ago #9

In between the layers of appreciating greatly this buzz and the fear not to reflect the beauty of this buzz lies a layer of deep respect to you Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #8

Most grateful Gert Scholtz...I'm blushing like Pascal now!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #7

Thanks my friend Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich for overlooking all my 'buts' :)

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #6

Most grateful lovely ! Soar high as you can!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #5

Thank you Tausif Mundrawala, your words reflect your depth - we are made of agony and hope!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #4

how adorable Pascal Derrien! The words are all you (along with the intuitive pic of music & lyrics); thank you!

Gert Scholtz

5 years ago #3

Lisa Vanderburg "Our lives turn over like tectonic plates, we are washed away - not for us; for them." Beautiful words Lisa.

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

5 years ago #2

Indeed such a fickle lot we are. We'll recycle eventually. We are a tiny drop in this ocean but once we realise our purpose we are complete. We live! Buzz on Lisa 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

Pascal Derrien

5 years ago #1

what can I say .... ? :-) I think the song is really good I would have loved to be able to write such lyrics thanks for the mention shout out etc... (and I am very embarrassed but I am smiling ackwardly) Lisa Vanderburg

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