Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago · 3 min. reading time · 0 ·

Contact the author

Like Share Comment
Lisa blog
Stupid stuff I've done. WARNING: may cause a bruise.........

Stupid stuff I've done. WARNING: may cause a bruise.........

Pascal Darrien made me do it. He just doesn't know it yet. This will be my new year revelation, revolution, relegation, regurgitation...whatever; is going to be this: 


Os |

Revel in my true self and get 

on down with the IDIOT inside.

Because I sure have done some butt-stupid stuff.

Here's an example:

DIY scaffolds:

Us kids had been brought up on a building site. It was meant to be home, but our father (who art or art not in heaven....but if he is, he's 'playing harp with stupid people', as was his reason why he would not care to go there) looked to his multiple offspring and said to himself;  what to do with this rabble? Build extensions! So we all became unpaid child laborers for the odd professional he'd hire, only to force the poor souls to create things in his own architectural image. He'd been one semester shy of his engineering degree before changing course so alas, he did know what he wanted, and I felt for the contractors that became basically enslaved as much as we were, but with a wage-packet. So many seemed to come and go in my child-eyes, I had to wonder if any were left in the walls like the stories my grandfather told (his father was crushed between the dock and vessel in London's wharves); tales of men left for dead in the double-hulled ships - the banging of hammers still ringing long after they'd set sail....


Sometimes I think we were actually medical experiments.

I did ask him many times over the course of his life just why he had so many children? His answer was always variations on the same thing: re-alignment of the uterus post-partum. Of course, when I was smaller, I visualized this as an engineering exercise I simply was too immature to understand. I did mention it to my mother once.....

Good Lord - back to the story! My sister (this was maybe 10 years ago?) was living in a two-storey house on a steep incline. I had recently moved back from the States, where we had talked through our DIE issues for hours on the phone every week (yup - DIY renamed: 'what are you doing this weekend? 'Oh, I'm going to DIE on that electrical breaker'). This sister had the build of a stick-insect; no muscle but the iron will of a coal-miner. She'd called me the year before, complaining about her drill. She'd been trying to get a bolt into an exterior wall to hang flower baskets from. Naturally I asked her what was she thinking, going up a high ladder on slippery slope with a dodgy drill....'did you ask our brothers?' I'd said. 'Of course I did' she pissily replied, '...they told me off too..!' But at this time, there she was, 14 feet up this ladder trying to get this done when the penny dropped.

' there a ....button on it?'

'Of course there's a button on it!!' she replied exasperatedly.

'hang on...I mean...another button'

'Wait a's hot...shit, dropped my fag..'

I wait a few seconds before she comes back;

'yup - there is...what is it?' 

'never mind....push it' I say.

' what?'

'try it out again..'

I can hear the correct whine of the drill. I'd forgotten that as a child, she was often the tea-lady instead of the brickie. She'd had the drill on reverse for God knows how long.

Oops..I digress. As I say, about 10 years ago we had 'unusual weather' for the UK. Having any weather at all; that's unusual. It'd been blowing a hooley (a Scottish saying I believe) and the old TV antennae had come off the top of her roof and was dangling and banging about something fierce on the rendering just under the eaves, maybe 30 feet up?

My time to DIE, I thought with glee! Ever since the drill fiasco, she's basically allowed me to do what I liked - and I like heights! It was on the side of her house, the gradient of slope much increased and none of her gzillion ladders alone would reach it. Complicated by iron-spiked fencing in the drop-zone, I told me sister to fetch me 'one more ladder' until we'd amassed about 4 or 5, some planking and a bit of string or wire, I think. 


It wasn't pretty, but with the drizzle making it slick and my sister yelling all hell from the bottom, I just managed to let go one hand long enough to grab the pliers from my jeans. Now the wind picked up and I tried to get purchase on the rendering - nowt else to hold onto. My sister bellowing how she was gonna kill me if I die....

'clip', such a small sound. The antennae flew over my head and impaled itself on the spikes below. Dunno how I survived, but I always do :) Fun! 

This follows some stuff Joel Anderson shared that made me LMAO. Thanks dude!

Like Share Comment

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #15

There is something inquiring about a issue at 30' in the air and an extension ladder that is 2' short. SO close yet so far. But i can make it if i set the ladder in the trunk of the car and boost it that two feet. It's safe i will put on the emergency brake. Out comes the spousal unit, what you up to? Well i am changing the light bulb. Why is the ladder in the trunk of the car. Well....Then it begins, you gonna break your neck, where do you come up with these ideas. I reckon it's a right of passage, the ability claim victory from the jaws of death. Great post and example of humans inability to comprehend risk to life and limb when face with a challenge.

Debasish Majumder

4 years ago #14

lovely buzz Lisa Vanderburg! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the buzz madam.

Randall Burns

4 years ago #13

LMAO!!! Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #12

You choux is write, Ken Boddie!! :)

Ken Boddie

4 years ago #11

All home handymen (and women) are bilingual. They speak English and are fluent in profanity. 🤣

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #10

#10 lovely; someone who's not concerned about calling myself stupid - welcome Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee highlight? I'm looking at you slideshow right now - remember them so well! If we aren't able of doing something butt-dumb, I suggest we're...aliens? :) Thanks, my friend!

Ali Anani

4 years ago #9

This is a self-probing buzz. Dear Lisa Vanderburg- you remind me of a slideshare presentation that I wrote few years back on "Stupidity Spawns Creativity" Your buzz simply reflects your creative mind.

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #8

weeeeell.....I'm starting off with tame (or lame) lovely Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador and working my way to the big ol' bag o hammers :) Thought I'd try to embrace the year with some fatality; see how they fly. Thanks for the shares!!
Lisa Vanderburg, you daredevil you! I wouldn't use the word stupid but use the word curious, which sometimes gets the best of us. lol

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #6

I would agree Jim Cody \ud83d\udc1d Brand Ambassador, now that my father's forced to 'play harp with stupid people! :)

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #5

haha....another great story Joel Anderson! Nothing like a bit of 'duh' to keep us humble :)

Joel Anderson

4 years ago #4

Then out of sheer luck, my IT person came back in and I just complained about why the darn thing had frozen on me. Yep, that pretty picture was kind of like a screen saver. He simply pointed to this "button" and said, "see this, this is the on/off button." That darn button controlled on piece of the symbiotic relationship. When it was turned off, it froze the screen on the computer. Hmmm. He clicked it to on and wallah, the really important person I was talking to almost fell on the floor laughing. When he recovered, he said "you know Anderson, sometimes we get so fixated on stuff that we forget it is as simple as ON and OFF. And then he just walked away laughing. Saw him recently, and all he said when we greeted each other was "Hows you on/off button?" Although we had a great conversation after that question, I just sat there scratching my bald head wondering how do people like him remember such stupid stuff? Thanks for a good laugh this morning.

Joel Anderson

4 years ago #3

Ha Ha. Oh my lord the funny things we do. I have told many that I am a digital immigrant, and my thumb typing proves that point. In reading your story, it reminded me of a time several years ago (OK, decades actually) where I was trying to give a demonstration to a highly placed "executive" on a new system we were chosen to test. My IT person had stepped away to "take care of business." Now that my IT help was out of site, up steps the really important person and says, "Ok, Anderson tell me what you have here?" There was a computer with a really pretty image on it. There was a printer connected to it. Even though two different components, they were somehow symbiotically connected, one to the other. I began explaining the system in great technical detail. As real time demonstrations go, he wanted me to show him how it actually worked, not just explain it. So I started to try to make the contraption work. The pretty picture just stayed on the screen, mocking me. Nothing, it just sat there. He was getting frustrated. I was getting frustrated.

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #2

Was your cowboy one: Pascal Derrien....just wanna beat you at dumber than average :)

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #1

Wasn't me your honour 🤔

More articles from Lisa Vanderburg

View blog
2 years ago · 2 min. reading time

Years ago, I used to go once a week to the · Children's Home · In Tampa, Florida. I'd go with a coup ...

4 years ago · 2 min. reading time

After the ouchie of my recent buzz Love and Loss, I wanted to follow it with the upside. · Action - ...

4 years ago · 1 min. reading time

Youth and love and life-force stirred the sands beneath my feet; · arid, warm, enticing; such a beau ...

Related professionals

You may be interested in these jobs

  • CV-Library

    Nursery Nurse

    Found in: CV Library UK* - 6 days ago

    CV-Library Brentford Permanent

    A leading Montessori in West London are currently recruiting at the Brentford location for Level 3 or Level 2 qualified Nursery Practitioner. · We are looking for passionate Nursery Practitioner with strong knowledge of the EYFS, good communication, organisational and interperson ...

  • Endeavor

    Manager, Recruiting

    Found in: Talent UK - 1 day ago

    Endeavor London Full time

    Job Description · Contract Summary · ON LOCATION · On Location is a global leader in premium experiential hospitality, offering ticketing, curated guest experiences, live event production and travel management across sports, entertainment, fashion, and culture. On Location provid ...

  • Fitness First

    Personal Trainer

    Found in: Adzuna GB Premium - 6 days ago

    Fitness First London

    Personal Trainer - Camden · Are you looking for the opportunity to be part of one of the UK's most recognisable fitness brands and lucrative PT businesses? Then you've just found your Perfect Fit · Fitness First offers the perfect blend of digital and physical, by offering every ...