What to do with the children?

#20
Thank you Lisa Vanderburg for the kind words :) I hope so :)

#19
See, now; you would find a way - I have every faith! You are going to be the most wonderful and exotic of grandmothers, lovely ...store up your memories, add a little wonderful spice and let ferment for a couple of decades - you will be the best for your babies!!

You make some great points here Lisa Vanderburg Let children be children. I remember climbing guava trees but with apartment houses, there are no more trees to climb. Children have to go to the park, parents who are tired after a day's work, have no time for all the out time. You grandkids are blessed to have you.

#17
Ever-helpful.

#15
hahaha...clever man!!

#13
Names are easy, pace, not so much. When all six are present i play out pretty quick. They are all great kids with two of them entering the age of infinite wisdom, teenagers. Luckily i have learned to use my phone with voice to text so i can gather around them and collect this vast wisdom.

#11
I'm turning the big 6 this year; I reckon I have 10 years in which to make mischief with grandbabies. You's still a chicken :) Okay. on grand-parenting; I'm getting ready to leap tall fences to steal bananas, dig a hole to China, get that pesky beastie from under the bed and time-travel with the nippers. Any advise will be most appreciated...lol. Fargo & Donna Wood; I'm impressed at your internet providers!

#12
Thank you Harvey Lloyd for a-calling, I am grateful for any advise coming from you! You have identified the challenge very well; if children don't understand their choices, how are they to choose? With 6 grandkiddies, how on earth do you keep up with their names? :)

Lisa Vanderburg Children are the resources of tomorrow when the get what they need during the formative years. I experience parents who do nothing and parents who engage within their own fears in raising children. But i know many who realize that our time is short with our children. They pass on tools children need to explore and discern their environment. I have 6 grand children they are special and i spend as much time helping them sort the world from their perspective. Its fun and exciting. I know they will be growing up in a world where choices will have even more consequences than my day. Being able to see the environment for what it is and know the consequences of your actions within it is and will be the challenge. If there is one piece of advice for parents today.......teach your children about choice. Don't just discipline for the wrong thing help them see the three other choices they could have made and attach appropriate consequences to each. Believe it or not they pretend not to listen but they do.

#9
Okay. First Donna Wood, you cannot have an eleven-year old grandson - that would mean you started breeding at a now-illegal age :) But wow - nice childhood! Running free and seemingly wild - that's what it should be, no? 'Course it's not like that much anymore, yet with your children, a houseful of kids' friends means a 'safe and happy' place - kudos to you...you pulled it off! I think you're right: balance is what is needed in this topsy-turvy world. I wonder if it will be down to grandparents to provide that reality? That would bring us full-circle...yay! BTW, we had snow. In the UK. just a couple days last week. It was perfect, dry and with a nice 1/4-inch cap of ice. The country came to a standstill. England in winter..lol!

#7
So very true Jerry Fletcher; we have little control. Certainly for me, I felt that a child that knows his boundaries is a happy child. By that, they were free to explore in safety within those imaginary lines. But I also think they need space, even as babes, they need quiet time to learn to be themselves! Methods are subject to breaking down and I'm far from the perfect mother (my kids'll tell you that)! We want them to be as free as possible by encouraging quality of character over quantity of FB 'friends'. You've clearly succeeded with your daughter, and I think they have to leave to come back as yours did. Much appreciate your comments!

I'm discovering as I build the relationship with my grown daughter that she prized being trusted the most. She distanced herself form both her mother and me as she aged in the teen years. She felt it was better to take her Mom's invective than show up for dinner. She knew that if she called, I wouldn't ask questions, I would just "be there." She's 38 now and been through grad school, a senior level job in the Pentagon and a marriage that didn't work out. Her personal heroine is her Grandma who lived alone at age 95. They do grow up. They will be what they will be. We really can't control that.

#5
Sage advise Ren\u00e9e \ud83d\udc1d Cormier and I appreciate you coming in! There's many adults that don't have self-love but raise children better than they were, but maybe it was their determination that their kids would not suffer the same fate as they did. 'Children need to be taught to think for themselves and not to mindlessly follow crowds, rules and expectations (not even parental expectations).' Absolutely right; for them to fledge successfully, this must be achieved. Thanks for the shares too!

Probably one of the biggest mistakes we make as parents is trying to force our kids to conform to what we see as normal and healthy behaviour. The problem is, that nobody can make you do something or be something you don't want to be and as soon as your children reach an age where they begin to question you, you risk losing them entirely. Children need to be taught to think for themselves and not to mindlessly follow crowds, rules and expectations (not even parental expectations). The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself. If you can teach your children to love who they are and to embrace all of their own idiosyncrasies, you will naturally put them in a better place to make healthy choices for themselves. When the relationship with the self is broken, people resort to self-abusive/self-destructive behaviours. They lose their trust in their own judgement and look to others to guide them, but those they look to are often broken as well, so they end up going down a terrible path. A child, teenager or adult with a high degree of self love and self respect cannot easily do things to compromise that relationship with the self. Telling kids to respect themselves is not the answer. It cannot be done in the absence of self love. Telling kids to hang out with better people is also not the answer. Telling kids to do anything will never work. Forcing them to seek your approval, is also fruitless. Find ways to help them approve of themselves and nobody will be able to steer them wrong, regardless of the influences around them.

#1
Thank you Debasish Majumder - I don't know how young parents get 'round these thorny issues, but that just shows my age :)

Too true about beefing up the memories Pascal Derrien - pretty damn sure your kids are blessed with great parents. Now they can carry on the story of 'oh, so you think YOU had it tough? When I were young.....' :)

First thanks for the shout out I am glad I could convey some positive vibes as I sometimes come across the ''prince of darkness''. Second I think times have changed I have a 10 and 12 year old children and not necessarily by design they probably don't have the same ability to roam than I had but I am very conscious not trying to project my own aspirations on them...... We were stuck indoors Ireland the last few days because of a blizzard, schools were closed etc.... besides snow balls fights everybody avoided suffering from cabin fever by talking, checking cards, reading etc.... there was screen time obviously but what stood out was the family walking trek to the supermarket in the 30cm of snow. We need to build some muscle in their memory not keeping them busy :-)

absolutely relevant buzz and needed to delve with greater perspective pertaining to the nation where getting gun is easier perhaps than to get quality education which may nurture the parents how to groom kids with values, where life is the most important object than any inanimate object. lovely insight Lisa Vanderburg! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the buzz.