Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago · 3 min. reading time · 0 ·

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You CAN see through others eyes

You CAN see through others eyes

Time is not my own. That said, I'm sure if I was to manage it properly, I would have some time! It is laziness or a lost art - bit of both? Actually, it the manifestation of chaos..... :)

Generally I write about medical stuff - badly; in cranky tones. I'm a med-brat, and Parkinson's is my staple as my hubby's now 18-years in. He was 49 when this started. Feel free to do the math, but I'm not here to talk about that plague :)

Rather, I'm here to talk about love...through complete strangers. Lemme say that I'm a transfer from LI, like a lot of you. I'm not actually looking for a job; I'm searching for my  raison d'être.

I don't get much time, but I've reconnected with a few and met others who are ringing my bell...!!

Max J Carter with  The basis of intuition and the power of your voice

which followed on from   No really, what's an Empath?

LOVE this guys way of thinking! 

Ali Anani : Joy Dancing for Me Now all of Ali Anani's writings means the engagement of every pitiful brain cell I have's worth it but I still come away as if I've missed the crucial part.

Gerald Hecht My scientist of note: brilliant, delightful and FUNNY. For my med-side - he's the man, and he makes me walk the path, God love him!

Gerald Hecht's beautifully crafted and thoughtful articles on senses: all here. She had written a particularly pertinent one about the sense of smell. Wow...what a doozy! I did actually reply with an experience, but apparently it was too long. So I tuned it down - nope. No matter.

But this is not about accolades nor about ass-kissing. It's about opening your eyes. Without further preamble, I'll get on then.

I don’t get out much anymore. As a child, I’d escape our house and go walkabout in the dead of night for hours – I had mastered the arts of silence and invisibility. No one ever knew. I don’t recall why it started, but it had something to do with escape and catching fireflies. I met my first rat when I was 5; big bastard he was too. The Mississippi had flooded that year (we lived at the top of a hill in Davenport, Iowa and if you stood on the corner of our plot, you could see the enormous river some 10 blocks down a steep hill) and left, in its receding wake, a few million fish. Newspapers reported that babies were being eaten alive in their cots by this army of frenzied rodents. Mothers stood guard over her brood with corn-brooms as weapons, apparently. That big-ass rat and me stared at each other – I think it was the only living thing that ever caught me (gimme a break…I was a wee kid), but I stared him out and he scurried his bloated belly off.


As an adult I went walkabout in unknown territories – the scarier the better, but natural places…who wants to be surrounded by a sea of humans when nature’s whispers are so very....perfect! It’s hard to squeeze all this cloak-n’-dagger stuff in when you work 80 hours a week (as y’all well know!), have a family you want only time with. So, my sprees were ‘seasonal’.

It was, in these moments, I felt at peace and very much alive. The heightened sense of awareness was the perfect music to my physical state of being part of life. A natural high and the ultimate salve.

As demands on my person become greater, I have had to give some things up. The first to go was walkabout. It was only some time after I stopped, I realized something in me was…dying. The touch of a tree-skin breathing through my palm, the breeze the breath of the earth – allowing me in, the ground forgiving my footsteps, my eyes being so very privileged to witness God’s glory in his creation – to see it as it should be; untainted. The tactile smell of rain, earth, rotting, renewing - a balance I humbly revered. 


That was a while back. I had lost an essential part of what my soul hankered for: life. It’s interesting how much this has ‘changed’ me. Allow me to outline some of these:

I am more cynical.

I have lost my ‘life-force’.

My body is going south!

My hope is fading.

My faith is all but left.

But, without question, the greatest loss: the thing I have run from since born is catching up with me: damage. I have managed to escape (barely at times) this 're-wiring', but no longer. It has seeped back into my being. The ramifications are now been transferred over to my beloveds, and I'm losing them; muddled into age and disease and natural separation.  It pains me more than anything. I would go walkabout now, but I have a task that I must finish with as much empathy and courage is left; my husband's life and ultimate death. He will NOT go to a home.

I haven’t been on Bebee long – still trying to get used to the format! But – for once – I see a glimmer. I see such intelligent and soulful promise – if not for me than for others. Quite a vista for tired eyes.

I think it is the way of things, no? Is it not right to know when to relinquish and hand the baton onto others. Yes, I’m a little young , but I tire. I’ve had a life that I shouldn’t have survived from decades ago. I knew it by age 17.

Keep it up, lovely hearts – I’m thrilled by your being! You refill this weary being! You are bringing me such a gift: hope.

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Lisa Gallagher

5 years ago #18

That's great to hear about your husband and yes, I feel for you having lost a sister. I pray too, she stays cancer free... :)) Thanks Lisa!!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #17

aw...thanks Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher, it was very tough, but it was also a time of the most intimate of love shared. You are so right - sisters ARE special! I pray yours with remain free of her cancer! Hubby's just 'graduated' (he's the optimist, thank God!) to a walking stick, but a wheelchair for temporary work will follow soon. Parkinson's tend to act like growth-spurts in kids...just the other way :)

Lisa Gallagher

5 years ago #16

I'm really sorry you lost your sister Lisa Vanderburg. I can't imagine how tough that had to be. My sister had stage 3B breast cancer 10 years ago and I still pray her check up's are OK. Loss is never easy when we love someone, sisters are special... they understand us in ways no one else could. How cool that you are trying to find your creativity in writing. It sounds like your husband is maintaining right now?! Sending hugs your way!!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #15

Oh I so feel for you, Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher! My sister died 2 years and 4 days ago from cancer - I looked after her until the end - at home, the way it should be! We were BFF and soul-mates; heart-wrenching, but it was both beautiful and rewarding - no regrets - (just wish she was here!). I'm really here to try and stretch my creativity in writing - see if I have a 'style' at all! I expect me and hubby have as much as 10 years - maybe more, so I'm not gonna mess that up :) Thank you for your kind words!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #14

Your advise is sage Deb\ud83d\udc1d Lange and I do try...the body's willing but the mind is weak :) I actually stopped walkabout because we changed continent and my husband feared for my safety. I so look forward to reading the excerpt from your draft. Many thanks!

Lisa Gallagher

5 years ago #13

Hi Lisa Vanderburg, what a moving and vulnerable buzz. I can only imagine how much stress you must be under. As you stated, your not on here looking for a job. I think people forget that not everyone is on Social Media looking for a job, some are looking for socialization and conversation because they are homebound for various reasons. Some people are stay at home moms, others are retired and the many caregivers out there like yourself who benefit from sharing your stories because it may be cathartic as well? I admire people who aren't afraid to bare their souls. I admire people who take care of their loved ones, thank goodness for people like you. We kept our mom at home during her cancer, and what a bag of mixed emotions (no regrets) just very hard on the family watching the decline of someone you love and all the care, up's/down's that go with it. Thank you for sharing!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #12

So very true Preston Vander Ven! In presentations we have done, I always start by describing my hubby as 'alpha male, incorrigible optimist and a guy who's completely in control of the world he lives in'. They I hit them with, 'how to you topple such a secure and self-assured man?....Give him Parkinson's!' It is a brutal disease in its stretched-out degeneration; I'd happily murder it given half the chance :) But, your right; even in crushing blows, we can reevaluate for the better!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #11

My thanks to you, Kevin Baker. Peace....such an elusive state!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #10

oh Sara Jacobovici - another one of my favorite writers! Thank you for reading this!

Sara Jacobovici

5 years ago #9

Lisa Vanderburg writes: "Keep it up, lovely hearts – I’m thrilled by your being! You refill this weary being! You are bringing me such a gift: hope."

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #8

haha Gerald Hecht.....any clue how long I looked at that 'A' before its meaning dawned?? Isn't Tao Te Ching the guy who invented fortune cookies :) Thanks, dude - you're a love!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #7

I am and will always be grateful for what you say and do Ali Anani! I am blessed to consider you friend. Don't know how y'all do it - find the time to write such creative and profound pieces that in themselves, stretch my imagination and stir my soul. I am so stirred, I think I'll go walkabout!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #6

That's okay 1st language is too rude to publish :)

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #5

Thank you so much for the tips on posting!! You hit the nail on the head Deb\ud83d\udc1d Lange...this 'confession' of mine is the stirring of doing something about it! I have read about your Mom with such sweet longing; like , you both have experienced such an intimate, steadfast love between parent and child and it makes my heart soar! Even though I have not had that 'connection', I can imagine and certainly feel for your loss. Empathy is a muscle that can never be exercised enough! May your heart be always wrapped in your Mother's love and your soul refreshed with her courage.

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #4

So right ; watching suffering is much like a life-sentence with no hope of parole, even though its played out all over the world constantly. But when you write about your experiences with your dad, what I see is love overcoming all; it radiates!

Lisa Vanderburg

5 years ago #3

Thank you Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich - it's cathartic just to get it out there! I'm so relieve I can - for hubby's sake :)

Ali Anani

5 years ago #2

Lisa Vanderburg- it amazes me how beautifully you move from a stage to another stage in your life. Equally amazes me your moving from recent memories to old ones and from a long story to a short one. You are an amazing writer. I am honored to have a mention in your buzz. Like Deb\ud83d\udc1d Lange mentioned I was moved by your self- rediscovery by missing the natural senses of nature. Go do it Lisa and take your walkabouts- nothing refreshes us like them. Shared
I hope it is understood well, I use google translate (sorry) I like beBee, especially for giving me the opportunity to meet great people like you. We will continue to find the hives,

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