Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago 路 3 min. reading time 路 ~10 路

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Over whelmed

Over whelmed

After Hurricane Irma (my son, wife, grandchild & extended family are there), after the 3-buzz revolutions and revelations of Ali 馃悵 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee聽recent buzz', I am spent. And it's 9/11

Let me be clear: I am NOBODY. And I don't want any uplifting here, I merely state the fact. I used to be somebody, but that life has gone. I have been on high-alert for 18 years, and it's taken it's toll. I'll come back to that.....

That's why I write. Mainly about Parkinson's and mainly not here. As you can see, I don't write often. Why? I don't have the time nor the energy. My life no longer belongs to me...I am 'Hurricane Harvey' personified....I just sit there, dumping.

There's two things I want to address here:

1. The shenanigans that have (to the greater part) been resolved. That is behemoth: nearly took Ali 馃悵 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee聽away from us. If it weren't for the patience, knowledge, empathy and sober realization of others, he would've gone. Those are pivotal points in a platform such as this: maker or breaker. To-whit I thank so many: Ali 馃悵 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, Chris 馃悵 Guest Cert.Prof.Acc.SA, Deb 馃悵 Helfrich, Harvey Lloyd聽(especially), Deb馃悵 Lange, Brand Ambassador @beBee, Cyndi wilkins, Harvey Lloyd,聽聽Susan 馃悵 Rooks, the Grammar Goddess, Sara Jacobovici, Pascal Derrien, Cyndi wilkins,聽Devesh 馃悵 Bhatt, Tausif Mundrawala, Lisa 馃悵 Gallagher, Susan 馃悵 Rooks, the Grammar Goddess,聽Deb馃悵 Lange, Brand Ambassador @beBee聽and so many others I've not connected to yet. I salute your voice. We all needed it. We need to have a bit of a battle to establish good works - we are FLAWED, just in case anyone missed that point!

2. Personally, I am a 'floater'. I make nothing out of what I do here or on any other platform. I am involuntarily retired because my husband needs me as a full time care-giver/ carer (covers both sides). It is not a job that I take on with relish and sometimes I resent it. And often, we laugh at the ridiculous nature of him being a 224Ib giant to my iddy-biddy size. He's like a huge, unwielding sloth...that always gets the schlapplakker going! As my hubby pointed out the other day, for a year longer that HALVE our marriage, Parkinson's has been there, devolving/evolving...who cares. My hubby is deep into his disease and PD is a truly 'busy' disease....in the older days, starvation was one of the causes of death because they simply could control their bodies enough to eat. Nowadays, they live longer. Longer in misery - protracted suffering...whoopee! I know; my husband knows...when he breathes his last, it will be with relief.


''Poulin says more than 30 years of research shows that being a caregiver is among the most stressful, emotionally burdensome and physically demanding roles a person can take on. Spouses who are caregivers show decreased immune function, increased signs of physiological stress and are at greater risk for physical and mental illness.
below
"The problem is that when you're a caregiver, not all of your time is spent helping," says Poulin. "Sometimes all you can do is witness the person's state while being passively on duty."
below

https://www.sciencedaily.com/r eleases/2017/08/170828105407.htm


It's the anticipation that is the killer. Waiting, waiting. It's not even that bad yet, but always I am planning; trying to work out his every move. My total onus is to keep him OUT of hospital. I can't protect him if he's not with me. Every moment of every day and night is spent waiting for the fall, waiting for the bang, the crash, the fall. Doing every thing I can to 'prevent'. His parasomnias are mind-boggling. He has sleep-apnea and I have to remind him to BREATHE because he can't get along with the air-mask. I double-lock doors, I keep him glued to a baby-alarm because I can no longer sleep in the same room. Other care-givers have been seriously hurt (or worse) by their sleep-walking PD spouse, because the drugs force them into combative dreams. He's the most passive guy I know, except in the last few years in his sleep. His entire autonomic system: breathing, swallowing, the senses, bowel, bladder...everything is now ravaged, along with movement, and he's a big dude!

Yet his primary disease is 'unbridled optimism'. Go figure. See that a lot in male PwP (people with Parkinson's). He's lost his life and so have I. We exist. We try...every day. That's it.

The chance of being 'top of your game', 'successful'...whatever; is long gone. I care, but I'm not bitter. I am exhausted...so is he, as he hardly ever sleeps.

So when I come on here, it's because I need a life outside...I sure as sheeet don't want airy-fairie as much as I don't want egos rearing. You guys are doing just fine.......now. Keep it up...for me.

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#Brand Ambassador #Parkinson #Harvey Lloyd #PD #Grammar Goddess
Comments

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #28

#37
You are ADORABLE, ! Now I know why you're always ready with the bandaids :) Thanks dude!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #27

#36
Oh, precious Joanne Gardocki...you got me laughing again! What a wonderful release-valve that is...I have the picture of you all in fits with your Ma's foot and stocking still poised....thank you; needed that!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #26

#33
The pleasure is entirely mine lovely wholehearted man and friend Tausif Mundrawala. Thanks you for the share too!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #25

#31
Dunno...they never used my name; too many kids. It was 'john...christo..nick..dian..marin..joann.....YOU!: come HERE!!'

Ali Anani

6 years ago #24

#29
Just wonder who called you Lisa and why?

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #23

oooh....two other wimmin I meant to mention: Joanne Gardocki - both exceptional contributors, mea culpa!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #22

#28
Me and Pete (the hubby) often spend long moments of laughter. I kneel down to get his socks on and he says 'I can do it...' - that's all it takes because he's frozen. He just looks up a bit at me and then comes the schlapplakking :) Sometimes I'll just push him every so gently onto his bed; that gets him going too. Equally so as I wander 'round looking for my brain..... I am a tease....bad girl :)

Ali Anani

6 years ago #21

#27
With all what you have to endure, you still keep your humor vivid. Lisa Vanderburg if I shout it is only so that hears me saying the admirable Lisa.

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #20

Last but not least, Harvey Lloyd, dagnabbit! You are included HERE). Before you get what you've got coming to you :)...I must tell you that I have Behcet's - a rare disease that causes copious and sustained pain but the worst is a vast number of meningitis bouts that leave lesions on my brain. I'm only telling you this because it's infuriating not to get what you two giants talk about..I am truly dumber than a bag of hammers! But I can get enough to know the real deal when I see it and that's you guys. The quality of your characters and personalities are what sets this place apart (on the dude front). I don't agree 'blindly' as I'm sure you know, but I will with you because I trust you - it has been borne out! As to the answer to your brilliant question Harvey: no. I would not have behaved differently. But it's a great question I'd love to see others answer!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #19

#13
dearest Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich you are the indomitable voice of reason and rationale here; without your wisdom, this platform may well have failed. And that's the point: we all have to stand up to collectively steer the rules of engagement. Either that or blithely accept the losses. Like you, my friend, I can't stand by and watch a train wreak about to happen without at least shouting out the alarm. Your understanding or all the forces and scenarios will play out is admirable to say the least! Bless you, sweet woman!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #18

Sweet Sara Jacobovici. Cyndi, we're very much alike! I have no problem being 'corrected' but it has to be done with sensitivity or by Dm on platforms such as this, or it can cause disaster! I have a thick skin, but it's much thinner for those I respect and admire :) Thanks @Aleta Curry (oops..must join with you!)....replace the word legend with dragon and you got it right! :) Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher, you are a sage and loving woman that I so admire, and you know of what I speak - I am indebted to you.

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #17

Paul Walters...your humor is the best bandaid EVER! And you should have been included in the list above...mea culpa! Deb\ud83d\udc1d Lange, Brand Ambassador @beBee I am the QUEEN of boo-boos:) and I knew you were talking to me anyhoo! Thank you for your wisdom and love! Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador, I am feeling the love, and I am so very grateful...thank you! I'm grateful for you Pascal Derrien; I'm beginning to get 'fractals forever'...gimme another 10 years :)

Lance 馃悵 Scoular

6 years ago #16

馃懃ed 馃悵馃悵馃悿馃惓馃敟馃毑

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #15

#18
Ditto Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, you are always a beacon of light. Much love and respect!

Ali Anani

6 years ago #14

#20
I should always remind myself that no matter how cloudy the atmosphere is above me, there is sunshine somewhere else. You are the sunshine dear Harvey Lloyd. But I truly ask myself- what value do I have on my own? Had I published my three buzzes without your feedback and by you I mean your kindself and ALL other commentors who enriched them, stretched them beyond their boundary and introduced new branches to the original idea? The Noble price goes for you. I am only a tiny spot without your shining and sunny contributions.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #13

"Nobody" is really a person who is without love. Your post demonstrates not only love but the hope of all who are entering into crisis. Will i have the courage to love and serve at the level you have presented? I now know that it is possible. Your writing may inspire others through your experiences. Not sure of the world you left behind but i would say that today you are a very gracious somebody, i am humbled. Good luck and Godspeed. Considering the discussions surrounding posts and comments....Ian Weinberg has really been a great resource in assisting me in understanding brain function and its impact on our daily lives. Purely in a behavioral way though he has systematically described the physical aspects of the brain and its outcomes as we build memories and assign feelings to them. We all post or comment for our own personal reasons. Mine is mostly the fascination with listening, seeing and understanding the many paradigms that get displayed. Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee is a fascinating man. He stretches our paradigms into new places. This will always bring the hard questions from those who don't want to be stretched. I would submit the following question for your thoughts. If the post of Dr. Ali Anani was one of three posts being considered for the Nobel Prize and the commentor appeared, would you advise or advocate differently? When we add purpose to our thoughts then sometimes, not always, our advocacy changes. DiSC and understanding who we are can sometimes assist us in finding and winning within our purpose.

Ali Anani

6 years ago #12

#17
thank you dear Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher. Between the two Lisa(s) i see a channel of hope for our world. I am not surprised that you not only share the first name, you share great attitudes and characters. I love you both.

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #11

#14
Lisa Vanderburg, you've given so much on this platform and you have so many people who admire and learn from you. Don't let a few sour people ever cause you to turn away. I appreciate you, my friend. Sending hugs, Lisa!!

Debasish Majumder

6 years ago #10

by virtue of your words Lisa Vanderburg you indeed have produced a hurricane to the mind of the readers. thank you for sharing such enormously impact producing buzz madam.

Ali Anani

6 years ago #9

#10
thank you Cyndi wilkins. You are a positive drive. I adore your experience. I say we go into conflicts when we lose our creativity to find a way out andleaving becomes less harmful than entering into direct conflict. Age has its impact. Conflicts suck ourcreative energy. We become less immune to their attacks. I am not saying that we should yield or just avoid by leaving. But sometimes my capacity to absorb or adsorb is full and then i pack up and leave. I know if i leave i shall not be back as i left LI and never contributed on that platform again directly. I thank you and Lisa Vanderburg and many others for considering taking a step back before taking my decision. This is why i am still here.

Ali Anani

6 years ago #8

It is 5 am morning time here. The heat is unusual. Ewually unusual to read your cv over the last 30 years and not adore you Lisa Vanderburg. Your son and family are far away and were directly exposed to the hurricane and still you had time to attend to the needs of your husband and fellow bees Reading about the stress you have @home makes all other stresses trivial and of no importance. In spite of all of this you had time to care for voicing out your opinion and make me take a step backwards from pulling out from beBee. I hate personal struggles and avoid them becahuse they are devoid of any value. In this case ~ don't. You know why. It is one reason behind writing this super-human buzz. Thank you Lisa.

Milos Djukic

6 years ago #7

Dear Lisa Vanderburg, You are great. Thank you. I have no further comments...

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #6

I had not realized this issue had reached such a crisis point as to have Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee consider leaving this platform...As I have stated, I have certainly been the target of trolls in my time here on social media...My take on it is I'm doing something RIGHT when I piss someone off...It has it's purpose just as much as positive feedback. One gentleman in particular took to calling me a complete imbecile with no knowledge to speak of...and my profile proved it for him...Perhaps because I hadn't the credentials of a Ph.D or MD...God forbid I had anything useful to say regarding health of the mind or body...With every gentle response by me he continued his blatant assault on my credibility, until several MEN I had no connection to began to rally to my defense...Interesting how quickly this man shifted his attitude, never apologizing to me, but defending his behavior to these other MEN by revealing he was a father/carer of his young daughter who was suffering degenerative disease...none of which was the subject of the post, he was just making excuses for his behavior. Now that may sound heartless to some, and trust me when I tell you I cannot imagine the pain he was going through, but I refused to be publicly humiliated as a means of emotional release for him..and I told him so. He stalked me for a while, but eventually went on his way...I'd like to think he was trying to muster the courage to apologize...Perhaps not...but I didn't let it stop me from speaking my beliefs...I knew he was in terrible pain and looking for an outlet...I am empathetic, but I am no one's whipping post...If you abandon ship ship...they win...and I loathe losing;-)

Sara Jacobovici

6 years ago #5

Lisa Vanderburg is able to say what is often beyond words.

Sara Jacobovici

6 years ago #4

All the power to you Lisa Vanderburg for being able to make the choices you are making! And so glad you have the ability to describe what is beyond words. All I can do is wish you much strength! And wishing your family to be safe. Very happy for our connection Lisa.

Pascal Derrien

6 years ago #3

Where do I start ? It's not everyday that wOrds are aching and jumping at me from the screen .... I never use the word buzz because it reminds me of bozzo but here we have an article with a capital A and I am uncomfortably happy to read this letter a blues song that I will remember for a while... does anybody know if "Robbing" Hood could play guitar. Strike Lisa Vanderburg

Devesh 馃悵 Bhatt

6 years ago #2

Through words, you jave given back more than you coud ever possibly recieve. Thanks

Paul Walters

6 years ago #1

Lisa Vanderburg Oh what a heart wrenching piece Lisa. I admire your tenacity, your courage and dedication and I guess your love. It is indeed a cruel and unforgiving disease that should be thrust upon no person. If writing and reading other people's articles is a help then I am proud and humbled to provide perhaps a little light relief( I write a lot of humour) However I urge you to keep writing as your style is eloquent and captivating . Thank you .

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