Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago · 2 min. reading time · visibility 0 ·

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DILEMMA

Dilemma. 

DILEMMA

It’s a delicious word; one I keep repeating. I find myself rolling it ‘round my mouth until my tongue splits like a serpent. Why is that? It’s a two-tined word.


'1520s, from Late Latin dilemma, from Greek dilemma "double proposition," a technical term in rhetoric, from di- "two" + lemma "premise, anything received or taken," from root of lambanein "to take" (see lemma). It should be used only of situations where someone is forced to choose between two alternatives, both unfavorable to him. But even logicians disagree on whether certain situations are dilemmas or mere syllogisms.'      Courtesy of etymonline.com 

So, as my first offering on my own bleedin’ hive, I’d like to talk about Moral dilemma and Ethical dilemma; is there a difference? Some would say yes and some will make the distinction between morals and ethics are ‘one (morals), children are taught, the other one (ethics), is what adults draws upon’. Two fascinating articles take a different vantage point. University Of New York talks of the derivation of both words, and University of Alberta, CA tackles the slight, but important differences between each.

Either way, it is a question of philosophical approach as well as being one’s conscious guide; one’s ‘Jiminy Cricket’!

If anyone has not read the book or seen the movie, 'Sophie's Choice' is an example of extreme dilemma that has probably been repeated in real life a billion times over. So just to avoid confusion, I’m not talking the other end, like a FB message that says ‘shall I have cream or milk with my coffee today…’

No matter how you want to split your hairs, these dilemmas are part of everyday life. They are the basis for debate; a good a healthy controlled exchange, and (no matter how insignificant, it’s probably the most important) - the basis for teaching your children both manners and how to behave.

That established, allow me to bring forth a dilemma…I have millions, but this is more ‘current’, and I have to clean up a bit of a mess I was unintentionally culpable in.

The irony is not lost on me that while our global leaders are ‘swingin’ dicks’ (apologies AGAIN Susan 🐝 Rooks, the Grammar Goddess!), there has been some of the same happening here, on Bebee…I’m overwrought, and in defese (I'm actually shuddering) of LI, I NEVER had these sort of 'to-do's' there. What I do find curious on a superior social/business platform such as this and LI, is just how far the males will go. They are not unscathed by it; they just pretend to be. The women are far too savvy to play, except maybe Deb 🐝 Helfrich and Deb 🐝 Helfrich - balls of steel.  Rather hoping its good sense and not actually ‘vulnerability’…because it only takes a couple of bulls…… my jury of one is out on that one! Despite my unwavering support for the one I supported (that loyalty hasn’t and won’t change), I’m left with the feeling of compromising my moralities – how culpable was I that things grew to redonkulous proportions? There are both men and women here who will NOT play - they have my admiration when they also have the kudos; let's stick to the wimmin: Deb 🐝 Helfrich, Cyndi wilkins, Franci🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador, Deb 🐝 Helfrich, Joanne Gardocki, Lisa 🐝 Gallagher, Liesbeth Leysen, MSc. Brand Ambassador beBee, Inc., Franci🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador. Just a few that negotiate or not, in a massively skillful environment. What it tells me is that things have not changed that much, but where they have......it's HUGE!

Taking sides is costly – no matter the purest of reasons. Like supporting your candidate REGARDLESS of your belief in their rightness, it is expensive and you become labled. I don’t regret my support, but I recognise the cost.

Thus, my question for today: how far are you willing to go to support someone you admire and trust on Social/business media? What does it cost you in terms of dilemma?

For you Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee - the Queen Bee of takin' no shite!

How'ya like them apples, Sara Jacobovici :)

"
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Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #72

Cyndi wilkins...I also find children to be wonderful! https://www.bebee.com/producer/@lisa-vanderburg/introspection You brought up kids..... :)

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #71

Wow...thanks for the multiple shares, CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit - such a love!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #70

#73
Personally, I find the whole idea of children-to- adolescence v. social media terrifying. There is no doubt in my mind that the internet is too wonderful and will therefore lead to our demise. Children can be sufficiently awful without it!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #69

#74
Darn tootin' CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit! If I could reiterate your whole comment, I would, but 'Being called out is not a form of bullying but a signal that there is no relationship.' Never a truer statement for mature adults! I agree that the age of reaching maturity is a huge band; seems to me that is particularly so in the first world, where the disparity between mature '21-year olds' appears enormous....could be I'm just getting old.

CityVP Manjit

CityVP Manjit

4 years ago #68

#73
Even though coming of age is meant to be a right of passage, it is also an assumption that this is when the teenage brain matures into the adult brain. Sometimes the difference between 19 and 25 can be night and day, so there is no magic 21 for any of us. There are ways of mitigating reckless behaviour but there are so many factors and variables that mean we need to understand a child in the context of their given experiences and development. I would not be surprised to learn of people whose actual coming of age was 37 !!! At the same time a very upright and mature individual can have a moment of extreme childishness because after all, we are only human and having an adult brain does not necessarily confer adult behaviour. Maturity is as rational as irrationality and whether it is brutal girls, macho boys or soccer moms, I think we all have moments in our lives which are not our finer moments. What we don't want in those moments is someone to become the action replay booth. It is uncomfortable to have someone replay our actions when we know that those actions were not ones where we were at our best. Being called out is not a form of bullying but a signal that there is no relationship. If we have a relationship, we protect and nurture relationships, but whether it is a teenage brain not wired for sensitivities or insensitive moron who has the relationship of a pile of pigswill, there is a point where we become mindful of a relationship and feedback. As we evolve as human beings, we hopefully will also evolve in our ability to create quality relationships. Not political correctness or being woke, but the recognition that we will fail more than we succeed in developing quality relationships that are limited also by our scope.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

4 years ago #67

#72
Well...I was only twelve at the time;-) I've learned a lot about letting boys be boys since then... Still applies when they are men;-) I'll tell you what though, guys are a hell of lot easier on each other than we lil' bitches at that age...My daughter is in middle school now and these girls are brutal...posting inappropriate photos and bad mouthing classmates online to humiliate them to their peers...THAT is the kind of stuff that worries me more than anything...Children do not have the mental maturity at this age to discern and think for themselves when being bullied...and too often these things lead to horrible tragedies...This is where we should ALL be focusing more of our attention...What kind of example are we setting for our children?

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #66

#70
#69 It's good to know it's not just me (quasi-human) that can mess up.... ;)

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

4 years ago #65

#70
I guess I'd rather be a dolphin than a seal...especially after watching that video;-)

CityVP Manjit

CityVP Manjit

4 years ago #64

#69
There are certain characteristics of animal kingdom ritual that human beings still have kinship and machismo is just one element in the bag of ego that convinces some that they are being men of reason, when the reality would only be known if we got David Attenborough to narrate in the distance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQI5KUfM2xc "The male seals begin to taunt each other and this exposes the weakest of the herd, but in the distance something unusual has occurred, a single dolphin (with a sizeable brain) tries to come to the aid of the weakest seal and the seals do not appreciate the interaction of this species. The dolphin immediately retreats realizing it has made life more rather than easier for the weakest in the seal herd" It is not so much lessons learned for me as observing life the way David Attenborough would look at it - pull back and watch the show and then try to figure out what brews behind the behaviour.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

4 years ago #63

"It pays to recognize the context and let those who enjoy that tougher playground have their space." I love this comment CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit because it reminds me of a memory in sixth grade when I really had a thing for this boy in my class...We were really good friends and I liked having the attention of a 'boy' friend;-) Then one afternoon I happened upon an incident on the playground where my friend was being pushed around and taunted by a group of others boys...Naturally I felt the need to come to the defense of my friend...much to his disapproval at my butting in on a 'guy thing.' Unfortunately, I only succeeded in embarrassing him and he never spoke to me again...Lesson learned.

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #62

#67
Amen, brother CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit - thank you so much for your thoughtful and witty comments! I agree; I like diversity...would be a very dull play without it. And I love your understanding of 'batty-boys' & catty girls :) It's refreshing to jump in each other's sand-pits and get a bit gritty, just leave the mace, arrows and shiv out, or there will be tears before bedtime! :)

CityVP Manjit

CityVP Manjit

4 years ago #61

Social media is not as well developed as our living room media, and so there is no Viewers Discretion warnings on social media buzzes. I love diversity and as much as I am often piggy in the middle and am cool with the mainstream, I like being a witness to the edges and the extremes - because that encompasses diversity. When the batty boys start batting, I recognize where they play and the critical level of discourse that ensues. That is far different from the immoral troll who is a diaper sized kid trying to get off on yanking people's chain. So social media when it is best has different sandpits to play in, and it is not just about providing room for the voice of the batty boys, it is also room for the fighting cats. I see more cat-fights in the offline world than I do online but this is not about bullying, but the extremes of human expression - and what I find most intriguing is when a batty boy considers critical thought as an argument when it is between batty boys and we consider it a cat-fight when it is women exchanging vociferous argument. Other than the odd weirdo or troll, one should not be playing rugby in a tennis match, nor tennis in a rugby match. If the conversation is a political or cerebral sport then it pays to recognize the context and let those who enjoy that tougher playground have their space. Why engage in a conversation where historical precedent shows that there is a higher degree of getting our noses out of joint. At the same time, the same regard for context should be held by batty boys and fighting-cats. If a space has a civil context and the conversation is nuanced and very deep, having a grunge band opinion cutting through is simply someone who is out of touch. Morality and ethics has a higher plain than online conversation, and a higher bar on ethics and morality does not place a ban or censure on the lowest common denominator. My first goal is to welcome diversity.

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #60

Welcome JosephDavid Thomas! Posting a buzz here is a bit of a challenge....for me, anyhoo! Can't keep my headers the same size :) You're right though, how dilemma could also be easily translated to 'double-speak'. Thanks Ambassador and dear friend Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #59

#62
YOUR smile, sugar...mine's more of a grimace :)

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

4 years ago #58

#54
" Take into account those authors that take a reasonable statement that does not align with their post/buzz, and use it to pulverize the commenter." Agreed...So down regulate the emotion...Anger begets anger...so choose the opposing energy of gratitude instead by responding to such behavior peacefully...That in and of itself is empowering to YOU...the RESPONDER...Nothing is more disarming than a smile...Sure...they may shoot you in the head for it, but you'll go down smiling;-) Okay, I'll shut up now and let 'da boys' talk!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #57

#60
lol....why did'ja have to go all straight-forward with me Chas \u270c\ufe0f Wyatt :)

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #56

#56
You are my muse too, dear Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee - thank you!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #55

Juan Imaz This is an equal opportunity examination :)

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #54

CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#55
that you contributed this comment mirrors the lively discussions on this platform. Tbhank you Lisa Vanderburg and keep on writing

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #52

Dear Loves (Ladies & Gents!), you may have noticed a slight shift in my tone; lemme explain. All these wonderful and most generous comments led me back to LI for a walk down memory lane. It was a little sobering to see how some of us have altered our ilk of responses from one platform to the other - for the good, in the main. Some, on Bebee now, are downright shocking, or as my beloved friend Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich boldly already in, I'd love to get some other men's take! I invite above:

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #51

#51
This is how it SHOULD BE, lovely Cyndi wilkins, that we are responsible to help others in encouragement and understanding. Alas, we also have to take into account those authors that take a reasonable statement that does not align with their post/buzz, and use it to pulverize the commenter, instead of either asking politely for clarification or 'overlooking' it. Again, both sexes are equally capable of offence!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #50

#52
Sara Jacobovici It is the very least...you have shown me so much! Going back to your #11 comment, you said, 'From my perspective, my expectations remain the same whenever I engage with others. Put less poetically, people are still people.' That's so true...eventually they will reveal their 'real' selves, the true depth of their authenticity. It's an important lesson to remember! Apologies in I'm standing on your sand-box in the following Sara Jacobovici, my friend - I know you won't mind! And this is NOT a gender thing! Both sexes are equally capable of moral 'slides'. Hell, I'm technically an 'it' (whole she-bang removed)! :)

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

4 years ago #49

#27
What a gift to get a Lisa Vanderburg response. Thank you!

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

4 years ago #48

I think the most important thing to remember is to modify our judgement of other people...as has been stated...we never know what another person is dealing with in their own personal experience...It is the ultimate sign of compassion to lift the spirit of our fellow human beings who might not be doing as well as we are in our current set of circumstances. We need diversity to create necessary change...and who will help to create this much needed change are those who are willing to speak out about the patterns of thought that no longer serve us as a 'people'...those who are willing to break through pain and take us to uncomfortable places...They are not new age psychos...they are thought leaders of our future...invoking in our hearts and minds a new way of thinking that brings meaning to our lives...whose SOUL purpose is to unite...rather than destroy...And for that, I am very thankful.

Anne 🐝 Thornley-Brown, MBA

I like the 2 gourds short of a pumpkin patch. Let me try and remember some others.

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #46

#47
#48 I'm beginning to understand that how a person perceives their written words is not necessarily the same as 'we' interpret them. This coming from a person who spent AGES working out what IMHO meant :) 2 gourds short of a pumpkin patch....

Anne 🐝 Thornley-Brown, MBA

#46
It could be multiple personalities too. I had one who posted some new age mumbo-jumbo. It was most odd. I wrote to her privately. She took the private contents of my message and posted it in a group. I ignored her as she was attempting to start a fight. She came over here. Same story. Reminded me of the original encounter. I ignored her. She posted really odd stuff about having encounters with archangels. Best to keep one's distance when they are that out of touch with reality.

Claire L Cardwell

Claire L Cardwell

4 years ago #44

#39
Lisa Vanderburg - I often say that at the very least if people remembered their table manners and were at least polite to one another 95% of the time the world would be a much better place... Love the two floors short of a high rise analogy.

Claire L Cardwell

Claire L Cardwell

4 years ago #43

#41
I've also had that Anne \ud83d\udc1d Thornley-Brown, MBA - I had an incident with a rather odd woman on LinkedIn once. Let's just say she was putting up rather odd posts, so I checked out her profile and then deleted her. Next thing she was making comments on my articles accusing me of being a troll. Anyway 3 years later she's tried being friends with me on beBee and FB??? People are weird. Perhaps it's not Alzheimers - more multiple personality disorder!

Anne 🐝 Thornley-Brown, MBA

There are a couple of other expressions including a few sandwiches short of a picnic. When we encounter people in real life we need to respond with compassion. We have no idea what is going on in their lives. Online it is tougher as no matter what you say you could be perceived as the bad guy.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

4 years ago #41

#43
Ha Ha! Well I sure as sheeeet ain't in no penthouse Miss Lisa;-) LOL!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #40

#42
& #41 I'm two floors shy of the high-rise....do we even use that expression any more? Good points, both!

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

4 years ago #39

#41
Great point Anne \ud83d\udc1d Thornley-Brown, MBA...It is important to remember that we have no idea what is going on in the minds of others...and sometimes those elevators just don't reach those top floors;-)

Anne 🐝 Thornley-Brown, MBA

#26
Interesting as the incident that inspired my blog post about rude people involved a woman on LinkedIn. I don't think rudeness has any sex. I think your approach is a good one though. Stick to people you know. It's strange though. In that instance, I had interacted with the person on beBee yet her attack on LinkedIn said it was the first time we were interacting. Alzheimer's perhaps. We have to remember that this is a real possibility.

Robert Cormack

Robert Cormack

4 years ago #37

Must go off and find some snakes.

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #36

lol...apologies about the snakes Robert Cormack! I've been treading on quarks all my life...who knew? Did they have one last horrifying thought? So far as I understand, ethics and morals are pretty much the same. The idea is that morals are something we teach our children (stick optional, but usually along with manners) and ethics is what our adult selves internalize from them. Must go...off to rob a bank :)

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #35

#34
Now that is what we all need reminding of (well...okay; me), that there is ALWAYS another way if we want to really advance for reasons that altruistic and not merely include ourselves. You are priceless in your wisdom and clarity Harvey Lloyd - thank you! I'd've finished this comment by now, but the thought police showed up and gave me something to thing about...what was it? I'm rather hoping one of the other magnificent women here will answer the question you left bottom of #24. Dang, my next post was going to be 'Why are Sympathies so concerned about our souls?'...guess I'll give that a miss :)

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #34

I believe the dilemma with morals and ethics has been grayed because we can't discuss personal beliefs. Morals are our personal beliefs, do unto others, love your neighbor and other guidelines that lay out our underlying purpose in engagement. Ethical deals more with subject matter and variables such as timing, place and social setting. A few guys standing in the corner discussing women in an immoral way are still ethical until a women gets close enough to hear. In social media to introduce a comments not related to the author's concept is unethical. To introduce a new or opposite concept must be done with tact and humility. Ethics is matching our communications, physical presence, and actions within the scope allowed by morals. ALthough regulations exist to guide various industries, there is intent within the regulations that refer to the moral guidelines being regulated. Those that tend to take the moral low ground because the regulations do not offer direct rules also get caught and deemed unethical. But this is why we have so many lawyers. What people do may be legal but is unethical, and unmoral. I am not confused by the words but do understand the confusion, from Presidents reinventing definitions, industries playing dumb and media exploiting both sides we can get confused as the mess seems to spun in all directions. The banking crisis of 2007 was unethical behaviour in circumventing regulations that everyone new if the economy turned all the musical chairs would be removed. But they met the letter of the law.

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #33

#33
You have so pegged me rightly Cyndi wilkins, I don't even need a rack to spill the beans :) Yes, I sure a sheeet have unresolved issues in that arena; David v Goliath stuff when I was between 3 - 5 foot 6 inches. Defending the vulnerable from behemoth devils requires a bigger pebble...took me YEARS to learn that! You are a delight and I thank you for your immense understanding...and not racking me :) sweet friend! Love you too!

Robert Cormack

Robert Cormack

4 years ago #32

My dilemma is still trying to figure out the difference between "morals" and "ethics" since, as a child, I didn't know I had either. I didn't step on snakes, since I didn't know if they were poisonous or not, but I'm not sure I was morally justified in doing that. It also never became an ethical question, since I've always figured both sides should be ethical or not ethical, and I'd heard that snakes aren't necessarily ethical or moral, but none have come forward to protest or defend. So I guess that's my dilemma today, @Lisa Vanderburg. Now I'm going to be thinking about snakes all day.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #31

#29
Politics and religion are two very touchy subjects within social media. Unfortunately it is difficult to discuss these areas because the topics have been polarized into right and wrong issues of the day. My comment was really to discuss in highly polarized subject matter there is a way to communicate. My goal is to get folks engaged with their communications as it is needed to guide humanity to the next century. But most do not want to engage. They fear the thought police will show up from either side, bomb their village and take their children, social media terrorism if i can continue polarizing language that only enrages and not engages. There is a way to engage. We need only find our purpose within the engagement. The purpose has to be bigger than the people, not selling, not buying merely laying out perspectives advantage/disadvantage. Looking at religion we can discuss it as a way of life, a choice. It gives us guidance when we are uncertain of what to do, it helps us understand the world that science doesn't understand. Religion is not a science. It is a belief system that keeps us inside a domain that we can make heads or tails of in our daily life. Science only offers us facts, the earth is round. In your ten o'clock meeting today i am unsure how this will help you empower those in the meeting to meet their goals. Religion covers these situations. I need not prove my religion to anyone but me.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

4 years ago #30

#20
Ah yes...the big dog in the little dog body;-) I think we all feel that way when we see what we perceive as an injustice Lisa Vanderburg...and the anger I was referring to was not necessarily yours...It's collective...and nobody likes a 'bully'...But what I meant by taking pause to anger is to examine the big picture and identify what is triggering our own responses to it...My best guess is there is a deep seated issue left unchecked...anger and defensiveness give rise when we are feeling vulnerable or wounded in some way...Doing a little digging and making sure it fits the current situation gives us opportunity to respond appropriately rather than being over-run by 'reactive' emotion...Emotions are wonderful motivators but they can also be very deceptive manipulators;-) Love ya!!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #29

#25
This is the crux of the matter that you have revealed to me: I'm probably more used to one-dimensional men that multiples because of my years as a chef. I also am used to multiples that are highly intelligent but dangerous...psychopathic ways. What I'm probably not used to is single-dimensional, highly intelligent males. My husband's a well-educated pussy-cat; he has two diseases and his primary is unbridled optimism, which has prevented him from seeing what's about to hit the fan...made me limber :) You're a star, Harvey Lloyd

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #28

#24
Fascinating and truly helpful points; thank you Harvey Lloyd. Before I read your next comment, I'll try to answer this: Certainly, as far as I understand the DiSC profiling, I think all of us, regardless of sex, are endowed with multiple or single letters. You explain very well about male interactions between a multiple and a singular. And that's the ilk of mistake I made; not taking into account the difference in the sexes. What are those differences? Tricky....but I love your double entendre! :)

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #27

Thank you so much for the shares, ..such a love!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #26

#12
As always Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher, I listen when you speak. About time I tamed my dragon that seems to only want to defend others but never myself....bloody reptiles :)

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #25

#11
You are brilliant Sara Jacobovici wonderful buzz: https://www.bebee.com/producer/@milos-djukic/writing-and-editorial-board-in-social-networks#c85 We now have a nearly proper 'fork' instead of just 'tines'. Marvellous thought!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #24

#10
Right Anne \ud83d\udc1d Thornley-Brown, MBA? I'm curious....the females here are one helluva lot more intelligent and thoughtful in their responses even in conflict, it seems to me. Like all here on this buzz, we don't shy from disagreement, it's the tone and content that flags up comments that are just aggressive, so we have the sense to ditch them, no? I wrote this because it was men behaving brutishly here. On LI I've not had a problem, but that's probably because I stick to what I know on LI: Parkinson's Disease.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #23

But all is not lost, we can engage with single-dimensional person. A few pointers. You cant change their mind, but you can give them a dilemma. Introduce one dimensional facts with no puffery or opinion. This is the same thing when you are a guest at someone else's house and place a fork full of food in your mouth and it turns your stomach. What do i do:) Ask a question concerning a different dimension that the answer would have to get them outside their box. One dimensional person has created a world that excludes 80% of reality so they can live their single dimension. So lots of questions, posed without conclusion, can display anxiety. To engage we cant take it personal. We are engaging with one dimensional person and they are fighting to keep the corners square on their sanity. The best you can hope for is to draw them upon the stage without them knowing it and then have them realize they are exposed. This is a negotiating tactic discussed several years ago when we entered in a customers office and one dimensional person would pick up one comment and grind it into the ground. In some cases we almost hoped the person would show up. If we executed well in handling it we could bring shame into the game. This is a powerful emotion when negotiating. Certainly not from one dimensional person but from their team mates having seen the Broadway show. This is where a little silence at the end of the game went a long way.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #22

Swinging swansons is a really bad visual. But when seen, is certainly a visual that describes dilemma. If i may "swing" over to the discussions on Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee series concerning DiSC i believe i might be able add a little clarity to the dilemma, not answers though. Men as a generalization tend to be one-dimensional while, again a generalization, women are multi-dimensional, each of these are within the socioeconomically seen space. These are the gifts that make marriage and survival work. Men's singularity of purpose and women's ability to see across dimensions makes a great team. But back to DiSC. In social settings where we discuss outside of the marriage concept we all need a seek and understand view across multiple dimensions. This is described, and a path of discovery, within the DiSC concept. In the posts of Ali we discussed the singularity of any letter that becomes our paradigm or one dimension. Each descriptive letter can get lost within their self concept and see only from that letter. The dilemma comes when multi-dimensional meets single dimension person. This is the swinging swanson visual you describe. This is a very difficult dilemma to engage (and dangerous you need eye protection). In order to get your point across you will have to severely wound the single dimensional person whereby they consider their entire existence is now destabilized. Single dimensional person would never, and cant give up the singularity narrative. I have met both women and men who are single dimensional. I would like to hear your visual description of women in this category as swinging seems out of the question.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #21

Social media dilemma's

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #20

#9
Bang on Melissa Hefferman - I'm gonna stick to my own sandpit...dunno what I was thinking! Thanks, darlin' :)

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #19

#8
Wise words that I will heed, Devesh \ud83d\udc1d Bhatt!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #18

#7
Hearing you loud and clear Cyndi wilkins! My defence was not borne of anger but of trying to stop a couple of bulls from going too far (which they did regardless). What I realize now is that I shouldn't have been there in the first place; I was ready to bow out when the DMs started. It's my own fault - I've always thought I was bigger than I am :)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#15
Lisa Vanderburg- you wrote "nost welcome!". Did you mean not welcome ? :)))))

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #16

#6
Very helpful Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador, and I'm thankful! Seeing the 'fight' brewing, I made the mistake of trying to put out the fire, but I will LEARN! Looking forward to reading the buzz you sent - thanks!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #15

#5
Thanks Claire - agreed!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #14

#4
Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich; absolutely every word of your comment is so very relevant and encouraging as it helps me to understand that the reasons are far less important that the actions. 'My own experience is that the immense time I invest in figuring out when and how to speak out is what is truly costly.' Perfectly sums up my position, and I concur: 'It is DISHEARTENING to me'...me too! Deeply grateful, sage friend!

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

4 years ago #13

#2
lol....my dad made me eat the whole thing; core, stem and branch :) Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee's, nost welcome!

Liesbeth Leysen, MSc. beBee Global Brand Ambassador

grateful for this article, the beauty of deep reflections, proud of Lisa!

Liesbeth Leysen, MSc. beBee Global Brand Ambassador

wow, thank you so much for putting bees in the spotlights, in terms of dilemma, always follow your values, you are nurturing karma, be good, do good, choose good. The universe then always has our back. Beautiful article to reflect upon. Thank you Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Gallagher

Lisa Gallagher

4 years ago #10

I stopped trying long ago and now it seems I don't even run into it. Strike of luck? Maybe, but I refuse to play with bullies. Thanks for the mention Lisa!

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

4 years ago #9

Honored to be mentioned Lisa Vanderburg, thank you. Your post is relevant and thought provoking. The first thing that comes to mind is how we tend to allow technology to veil the reality that we are still humans who are living, responding, reacting, communicating and behaving within the same framework as those in which we did back in the "dark ages". The dilemmas you discuss exist in all aspects of our social lives, whether virtual or not. From my perspective, my expectations remain the same whenever I engage with others. Put less poetically, people are still people. Your writing has inspired me to think of choices as fractal, and not just an "either, or" system. The definition of dilemma intrigued me; di, meaning two and lemma, premise or what you take. Well, a third option exists, and that is not to choose between the two. This is how the pattern emerges, the result of not choosing from the two then creates another dilemma, and so on. Thanks again Lisa for contributing so positively to the reason I choose to be here.

Anne 🐝 Thornley-Brown, MBA

Interesting that you should write this. I also wrote a similar post here yesterday after an unpleasant encounter on LinkedIn. I also just stumbled across a writer who is leaving LinkedIn because of unpleasant encounters. I don't know what's going on but perhaps because our leaders are setting such a bad example people think it's okay. It's unfortunate. We come to social media to relax, engage, and promote our businesses. These unpleasant interactions can tarnish the experience.

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

4 years ago #7

I do not support or oppose people. Just their expressions and ideas. Everyone has something wonderful about them, just not compatible. The dillema, do i support or do i actually oppose something unacceptable? The question Should i feel privileged if someone is trying to put in an effort to understand what i am saying, even if it is to establish their expression?

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

4 years ago #6

I do not enter into any conflicts I might see here on social media (or anywhere else for that matter) with the intent to defend anyone...nor do I feel it necessary for me to do so...Unless I see someone being physically harmed of course...and we always have the option of WALKING AWAY. But the ego has a very difficult time with this...I comment on things that move me...not because of who may have written the piece....but rather what they wrote. I find profound purpose in the energy of anger...it is a very helpful emotion in our healing process if we take pause, 'tune in' and really examine within ourSELVES what it is that triggered our response in the first place, not who triggered it...We are ALL wounded in some way and anger is the most accurate emotion we possess in identifying that which needs our undivided attention...It is an offering from our senses, (or higher mind) to try to better understand ourselves and our experiences of the world...Whatever pained you, shamed you, maimed you...acknowledge it and validate it for sure...Then RELEASE it...Your body of pain and anger is your closest friend...It will stop at nothing to get your attention...no matter who or what it used to get there...and it will force you to pay close attention to minding your OWN P's and Q's...Anger in and of itself has no conscious intent to hurt you...it emerges to heal you;-)

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador

I guess I missed a challenging situation that has prompted your post. I don't know the details and don't need to know but here's my take on reading, sharing and commenting on social media. I don't read posts relating to politics or religion. (I use the hide buzz feature for those). I don't discuss politics or religion on social media. It's not that I don't have my own views but I don't care to read about opinions of others on these topics. Also, if I come upon a thread full of negativity, I move on. Simply put, this is not how I want to spend my time. Also, if I an on the receiving end of a negative situation, I won't make their problem my problem. It's best to ignore it and move on. I agree taking sides can be costly and it's unfortunate that adults can't respectfully disagree or be treated with respect if they openly agree with another's views. I feel taking sides is a slippery slope because words can easily be misconstrued, especially in a heated discussion. And with that said, this can add more fuel to the fire. I will support and have supported those in a dilemma by contacting them via private message. Excellent post and keep your chin up Lisa Vanderburg. https://www.bebee.com/producer/@anne-thornley-brown/them-s-fighting-words-how-to-deal-with-rude-people-on-social-media Thank you for the mention and sending hugs!

Claire L Cardwell

Claire L Cardwell

4 years ago #4

Lisa Vanderburg - is right about examining the context thoroughly, something I didn't do before shooting myself in the foot!

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#2
heat and then eat Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

4 years ago #2

Apples are eaten chopped in our family the dilemma we are facing is that we never answered the following preparation question: should we heat them or should we eat them?

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

I enjoyed immensely reading your buzz Lisa Vanderburg. My dilemma is that I am a male and is first to comment on your buzz. Mostly you expected a female to write first. There are sweet dilemmas. Is it better to thank you for sharing this buzz now or to delay it till after few ladies have done so?

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