Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago · 1 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Waiting for Release

Waiting for Release

I am stalled. Frozen. Frigid. Fretful. Fearful. Maybe I'm waiting for...what?

What is it with writing that can make what you know to be true become so excruciatingly difficult to put into words? Deidré Wallace hit my note today in her Buzz about 'writing your story'.

Maybe I am fearful, but of what or whom or when....

Taking into account Deidre's pointers (sorry - no accent on my mama-board), I know I want to write my story. I know I can write. I know (ish) my story. Yet, yet...something's in the way.

475262d0.jpgpic:  sf.co.ua

There are so many platforms, that I've limited myself to just two, and I keep them separate. I know I can write; plenty of views and comments on my 'professional' side to affirm, and some fab ones here too! It's all good, so why am I stuck?

I have my one invitation to 'write my story' yet I'm hitting boulders sooooo soon. Why?

I think (personally), it has to do with permission. As kids, we were denied 'permission' on some many levels; on so many things. We obeyed the rule-of-law laid down because we suffered both Stockholm syndrome and PTSD in turn.

A friend of mine, Kim Wheeler, wrote his life story, his book. It didn't have the necessary 'happy ending' but actually - things (God willing) are looking up for him.

How do you describe something indescribable, yet subtle? I was a small child when my story started; language had little room. It is freakin' difficult! More so, I think, do people want to read this...does it really matter anymore? I can clinically say it does matter. But...is it then healthy? My story [predictably] is less than wholesome, but it's not the worst. Certainly the major player in my life was at best, absolutely fascinating. At worst, absolutely terrifying. He lives. In me. He knows.......


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Comments

Fay Vietmeier

4 years ago #23

Lisa Vanderburg Lisa ~ happened upon this post because I was looking for an image & somehow your pic came of (which I loved that you used on this post) with permission I may ask to use it for one of my "I have a Friend" poems (I have used a few at the end of a post or poem (as I did on "I DREAM of Flying) https://www.bebee.com/producer/@fay-vietmeier-pennsylvania/i-dream-of-flying-209378 This resonated: I am stalled. Frozen. Frigid. Fretful. Fearful. Maybe I'm waiting for...what? After going through a separation & then divorce (back in 2004-2006 our son only in 2nd grade) What followed for me was 10 years in a "time-of-captivity" (no I was not in jail for killing my now ex-husband ;~) NOT funny ... it was a shut-in time with the Lord ... (just as God Himself shut the door on the arc) This time I invested in study of the Scriptures (not that this was my plan or intent ... it just turned out that way) Often in those years I was wondering: "Am I still ... or an I stuck?" Deep heart lessons are PRICELESS Are you still "waiting for release" ??

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #22

#23
Thank you Ken Boddie! I'm amazed you have any strength at all after your move!! :)

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #21

#22
Salient points and much appreciated CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit.....a rock to ponder on I need! Tyndale was on a 'Great Commission' of faith, not that I could have done it. But I don't wanna be working for the 'other party' by producing something I cannot see the grace in. That said....I think that's your point: I'll find the redemption in the journey? Brilliant man!!

Ken Boddie

6 years ago #20

For what it’s worth, Lisa, you have my permission. 🤣 Every ‘true’ story starts with “Once upon a time .....”. 🤥

CityVP Manjit

6 years ago #19

#20
There are tipping points in human consciousness but we do not know when or how they will occur. There are also flashdance moments when it seems consciousness has found its mark, only to see how history reverses taking several steps backwards for the one step forward. Ultimately the consciousness that brews within us is not the story we write for others but releases us from within. That is the delicate balance because we do not control or at least should not control what others think and what we think fits in the evolutionary state that ferments at different levels, timespans, thoughts and ultimately consciousness. If it feels right the human condition will do it but if we touch a nerve with society, it might be because we about to change something very real. Look at William Tyndale, for him it was an inner calling within him that urged him to write the Bible in English. That fell foul of the social currency of his time and the Church burned him at the stake, but thanks to Tyndale - his sacrifice was stronger than fear, and in case that fear Tyndale was meant to be subjected to was a monumental one. Tyndale knew the cost but still did what he knew would cost him his life in a most brutal fashion.

CityVP Manjit

6 years ago #18

#20
There are tipping points in human consciousness but we do not know when or how they will occur. There are also flashdance moments when it seems consciousness has found its mark, only to see how history reverses taking several steps backwards for the one step forward. Ultimately the consciousness that brews within us is not the story we write for others but releases us from within. That is the delicate balance because we do not control or at least should not control what others think and what we think fits in the evolutionary state that ferments at different levels, timespans, thoughts and ultimately consciousness. If it feels right the human condition will do it but if we touch a nerve with society, it might be because we about to change something very real. Look at William Tyndale, for him it was an inner calling within him that urged him to write the Bible in English. That fell foul of the social currency of his time and the Church burned him at the stake, but thanks to Tyndale - his sacrifice was stronger than fear, and in case that fear was a monumental one.

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #17

#19
Most grateful CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit, as your comment adds weight to the onus of burden regarding responsibility. I'm beginning to see the story I had is not for telling in a book - it would serve no one. I'll find another tale that will!

CityVP Manjit

6 years ago #16

It is a very delicate exercise which sometimes we can get wrong, but when it works for us, it contributes first and foremost to our own learning. I am not a great person in regards to "sharing my story" or to evoke something about the human condition. Like the physical rock life, we learn equally from turning our various virtual stones.

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #15

#17
You are a master over your words, dear Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, whereas I am slave to mine :)

Ali Anani

6 years ago #14

Lisa Vanderburg writes "How do you describe something indescribable, yet subtle"? I add how we tell the story of the unknown unknowns? Big challenges, but still worthy to share your llfe story.

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #13

#12
Such a love - thank you sweet Proma \ud83d\udc1d Nautiyal for your gentle nudging - soothing and encouraging! Here I am trying to drag the words out like a wet towel down my gullet as if I could spew them up...lol! At least TODAY I know what I can't write about, that's a relief.

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #12

#11
Yup - that stung of truth, brave Lyon Brave! You're absolutely right!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #11

#10
...meet you 'round the back at midnight; bring your shovel :) You are such an encourager - thank you!!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #10

#8
So late...apologies Edward Lewellen! Thanks for your generous and valuable help; I think that's what I've been doing - stalled by a boulder! So I'll seek to walk 'round it instead. I have a noisy head!

Proma Nautiyal

6 years ago #9

A soul-stirring buzz, Lisa Vanderburg. You are an excellent writer. You have the power to send such powerful vibes, even through your short buzzes, that I have felt the emotions in my bones. I hope to read your book someday. I really do.

Lyon Brave

6 years ago #8

Often the most interesting things about us we are deeply ashamed of. What is wroth telling is usually is our secrets. Nobody easily shares their secrets even if that is their intention.

Lyon Brave

6 years ago #7

Often the most interesting things about us we are deeply ashamed off. What is wroth telling is usually is our secrets. Nobody easily shares their secrets even if that is their intention.

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #6

#4
Coming from you Pascal Derrien, is such encouragement - thanks! I read 3 of your buzz' today, and all of them intrigued me. Your advise to steer away from the 'why write and do-I-have-any-idea-what-I'm-doing' is enough to stifle me...I will keep that front and center!!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #5

#3
You ARE pure (brilliance, wise and empathetic), Harvey Lloyd...and I realize the practical check-list; that's what's keeping me up. This is by no means the first time I've witnessed, or been privy to, your methodology. Thank you - I need that grounding' you sum it up perfectly!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #4

#2
I am touched - very deeply, by your faith and agape love, Tausif Mundrawala. We all are bound to encourage, support and energize those we feel need a little hand - that's pure beBee! If I've helped you - even in the smallest of steps to start the healing process - you have repaid me ten-fold in your comment. Thank you, dear friend!

Pascal Derrien

6 years ago #3

I think the less we ask ourselves questions about why writing the better it is ...... to me it sounds just right to just write I have no doubt your unique style and personality would shine thru and thru :-)

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #2

Lisa Vanderburg There ten people in a room, each reading your book, what do you want them to take away from having read the book? Sometimes in writing we loose site of the purpose of the writing. Without purpose it is difficult to derive meaning, without meaning we have a difficult time matching up our time and value. Purpose when we get stuck is the bridge to the other side. Some thoughts to think about: How will reading your book be informative, entertaining or helpful to the reader? What do you think will help others after reading your story? How are folks similarly situated with you and how did you navigate the jungle of you? Describe the one person who you would want to read your book and write it too them. Hope these help the starting gate swing open.

Debasish Majumder

6 years ago #1

always fascinating to read your buzz Lisa Vanderburg! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the buzz.

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