Waiting for Release
I am stalled. Frozen. Frigid. Fretful. Fearful. Maybe I'm waiting for...what?
What is it with writing that can make what you know to be true become so excruciatingly difficult to put into words? Deidré Wallace hit my note today in her Buzz about 'writing your story'.
Maybe I am fearful, but of what or whom or when....
Taking into account Deidre's pointers (sorry - no accent on my mama-board), I know I want to write my story. I know I can write. I know (ish) my story. Yet, yet...something's in the way.

There are so many platforms, that I've limited myself to just two, and I keep them separate. I know I can write; plenty of views and comments on my 'professional' side to affirm, and some fab ones here too! It's all good, so why am I stuck?
I have my one invitation to 'write my story' yet I'm hitting boulders sooooo soon. Why?
I think (personally), it has to do with permission. As kids, we were denied 'permission' on some many levels; on so many things. We obeyed the rule-of-law laid down because we suffered both Stockholm syndrome and PTSD in turn.
A friend of mine, Kim Wheeler, wrote his life story, his book. It didn't have the necessary 'happy ending' but actually - things (God willing) are looking up for him.
How do you describe something indescribable, yet subtle? I was a small child when my story started; language had little room. It is freakin' difficult! More so, I think, do people want to read this...does it really matter anymore? I can clinically say it does matter. But...is it then healthy? My story [predictably] is less than wholesome, but it's not the worst. Certainly the major player in my life was at best, absolutely fascinating. At worst, absolutely terrifying. He lives. In me. He knows.......
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Comments
Fay Vietmeier
2 years ago #23
Lisa Vanderburg
4 years ago #22
Thank you Ken Boddie! I'm amazed you have any strength at all after your move!! :)
Lisa Vanderburg
4 years ago #21
Salient points and much appreciated CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit.....a rock to ponder on I need! Tyndale was on a 'Great Commission' of faith, not that I could have done it. But I don't wanna be working for the 'other party' by producing something I cannot see the grace in. That said....I think that's your point: I'll find the redemption in the journey? Brilliant man!!
Ken Boddie
4 years ago #20
CityVP Manjit
4 years ago #19
There are tipping points in human consciousness but we do not know when or how they will occur. There are also flashdance moments when it seems consciousness has found its mark, only to see how history reverses taking several steps backwards for the one step forward. Ultimately the consciousness that brews within us is not the story we write for others but releases us from within. That is the delicate balance because we do not control or at least should not control what others think and what we think fits in the evolutionary state that ferments at different levels, timespans, thoughts and ultimately consciousness. If it feels right the human condition will do it but if we touch a nerve with society, it might be because we about to change something very real. Look at William Tyndale, for him it was an inner calling within him that urged him to write the Bible in English. That fell foul of the social currency of his time and the Church burned him at the stake, but thanks to Tyndale - his sacrifice was stronger than fear, and in case that fear Tyndale was meant to be subjected to was a monumental one. Tyndale knew the cost but still did what he knew would cost him his life in a most brutal fashion.
CityVP Manjit
4 years ago #18
There are tipping points in human consciousness but we do not know when or how they will occur. There are also flashdance moments when it seems consciousness has found its mark, only to see how history reverses taking several steps backwards for the one step forward. Ultimately the consciousness that brews within us is not the story we write for others but releases us from within. That is the delicate balance because we do not control or at least should not control what others think and what we think fits in the evolutionary state that ferments at different levels, timespans, thoughts and ultimately consciousness. If it feels right the human condition will do it but if we touch a nerve with society, it might be because we about to change something very real. Look at William Tyndale, for him it was an inner calling within him that urged him to write the Bible in English. That fell foul of the social currency of his time and the Church burned him at the stake, but thanks to Tyndale - his sacrifice was stronger than fear, and in case that fear was a monumental one.
Lisa Vanderburg
4 years ago #17
Most grateful CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit, as your comment adds weight to the onus of burden regarding responsibility. I'm beginning to see the story I had is not for telling in a book - it would serve no one. I'll find another tale that will!
CityVP Manjit
4 years ago #16
Lisa Vanderburg
4 years ago #15
You are a master over your words, dear Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, whereas I am slave to mine :)
Ali Anani
4 years ago #14
Lisa Vanderburg
4 years ago #13
Such a love - thank you sweet Proma \ud83d\udc1d Nautiyal for your gentle nudging - soothing and encouraging! Here I am trying to drag the words out like a wet towel down my gullet as if I could spew them up...lol! At least TODAY I know what I can't write about, that's a relief.
Lisa Vanderburg
4 years ago #12
Yup - that stung of truth, brave Lyon Brave! You're absolutely right!
Lisa Vanderburg
4 years ago #11
...meet you 'round the back at midnight; bring your shovel :) You are such an encourager - thank you!!
Lisa Vanderburg
4 years ago #10
So late...apologies Edward Lewellen! Thanks for your generous and valuable help; I think that's what I've been doing - stalled by a boulder! So I'll seek to walk 'round it instead. I have a noisy head!
Proma Nautiyal
4 years ago #9
Lyon Brave
4 years ago #8
Lyon Brave
4 years ago #7
Lisa Vanderburg
4 years ago #6
Coming from you Pascal Derrien, is such encouragement - thanks! I read 3 of your buzz' today, and all of them intrigued me. Your advise to steer away from the 'why write and do-I-have-any-idea-what-I'm-doing' is enough to stifle me...I will keep that front and center!!
Lisa Vanderburg
4 years ago #5
You ARE pure (brilliance, wise and empathetic), Harvey Lloyd...and I realize the practical check-list; that's what's keeping me up. This is by no means the first time I've witnessed, or been privy to, your methodology. Thank you - I need that grounding' you sum it up perfectly!
Lisa Vanderburg
4 years ago #4
I am touched - very deeply, by your faith and agape love, Tausif Mundrawala. We all are bound to encourage, support and energize those we feel need a little hand - that's pure beBee! If I've helped you - even in the smallest of steps to start the healing process - you have repaid me ten-fold in your comment. Thank you, dear friend!
Pascal Derrien
4 years ago #3
Harvey Lloyd
4 years ago #2
Debasish Majumder
4 years ago #1